Everything is different now.
Life, as it tends to do – has been rolling right along, bringing changes and ups and downs as it always does.
I will admit, my life has blessedly had far more ups this year (and last year) than downs, but the downs it did have were massive.
Not a single day – not one – goes by that I don’t mourn the loss of Luke and Chewbacca. I think about the happiness they brought into my life for so many years, and I remember all the adventures I was lucky enough to have with them.
Everything is different now, though. All of Luke’s things are gone – his cart, his harness…. what I have left is packed away. My horse trailer is gone, my truck that pulled it is gone….anything I had left of tack for Chewbacca has been sold or packed away.
I think about the path Luke and Chewbacca took me down, and I see the perfect straight line guiding me from exactly where I was to exactly where I am now – to where I needed to be. It was all – all of it – meant to be. They were there to guide me, to get me to where I was supposed to be, and their job here on Earth was fulfilled. God wanted them back and He spoke loudly enough so that I could hear.
It was heart wrenching, and I wanted to have them in my life forever – but nothing lives forever, and to think Luke or Chewbacca would have been around for years and years and years to come was naive. Sure they should have or at least could have made it into their 30’s, but not every horse that lives gets to make it that long.
I’ll see where Dixie and Jesse get to, but they are 23 and 21 respectively. After losing Luke at 21 and Chewbacca at 19, I know that, of course, there is a time limit on how long I will have Dixie and Jesse too.
For years and years, throughout the last 25 years of my life since I first put a saddle on a lesson horse and took that first ride (Western….) I had pursued actively – to the point of literally putting every penny I had into it — horses. I wanted to ride, to jump, to show, to win. I wanted to train and compete and be good at something.
And I was so lucky. I got to live a life for over two decades that not a lot of people get to even experience for a day.
Some of them built me, some of them broke me. I plowed forward no matter how many broken bones, difficult horses, scary episodes, and I did often choose between horse showing on the weekend or buying food. I chose horse showing. I was do or die with horses, and if you weren’t showing, then you just weren’t “doing it” right.
I thought I was working towards becoming something when it came to horses. I never realized the horses were channeling me into something special and the horse era of my life would end.
But it has. It is over, and it is a little sad and bittersweet, but the ride I rose with those horses I took on trail, over jumps, and down the road, has brought me to exactly where I needed to be.
Too long to get into my life’s history and how it all was gearing up to put me where I am now, but it suffice to say, I know it is true.
Luke and Chewbacca were two of the angels that watched over me in my life, and I was blessed to have them.
I had part of their tails turned into a single, beautiful, bracelet from Tail Spin Bracelets.
Luke is on the bottom, Chewie’s is on top. They are a single bracelet with 2 braids and the sentiment is beautiful and powerful. The horses were always side by side and intertwined in life, thus they are connected side by side in this bracelet until I have it cremated with me when I die.
Luke and Chewbacca will always be in my heart and memories. I have no doubt they were angels on this Earth just for me.
Now, I am ready – FINALLY after 25 years – to allow my life to be reshaped into something entirely different. I can only hope and pray for what is yet to come, that it is good and wonderful, and I know – because I’m exactly where I should be – that it will be.
One era ends, and all new things start.