Transformation

I realize that it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything.  Certainly not for lack of anything going on!  Quite the opposite, actually – I’ve been crazy busy.

I’m still waiting on spring to arrive and the weather to turn so I can enjoy some outdoors time, but for now, I am biding away the last bits of cold weather battling the flu which attacked me twice in 6 weeks  (ugh!) and exercising in the gym.  I’m also spending every second I can with the amazing blessing in my life that is the man of my fantasies come true 🙂

I also, of course, spend time with the horses, but I have yet to put anyone back to work yet.  It’s just too cold.  It will probably be late April or maybe even May before Luke or Jesse get up and running again for 2017.

EveryoneMarch 22 2017

Lined up and waiting.  It’s a small, medium, and large assembly line!

 

I have almost no plans to show either of them, but I do hope to get them out to a couple trail drives.  There are 2 fun shows I might be interested in doing, I usually do them every year and have a blast.  It will just depend on if I am available on those weekends.

chewie21Chewie March 2017

Then and now. Chewbacca from the week I got him, back in 2010 at 11 years old.  And just the other night in March 2017, at almost 18 years.  I guess he doesn’t look that different.

 

Chewbacca is doing just fine.  He’s holding fairly consistently lame at about a grade 2. Some days he is terrible- with a severely swollen fetlock and cannon area, and quite lame.  Some days, he runs like he’s got thrusters on.  So as long as he’s mostly happy, I’m happy.  He is 18 years old this April.  I would hope he will make it plenty of more birthdays.

 

Dixie 2008 Dixie Feb 2017

A little then and now of Dixie, sort of.  I actually purchased Dixie in 2006, but I don’t have any photos on the computer of when I first got her.  The photo on the left is from 2007 and the photo on the right is just a couple weeks ago in early March 2017.  10 years later.  She shows her age.  I really can’t believe the difference when I was looking through other older shots of her.

But, she is still Dixie and still her usual happy self, the Queen Diva of the barn.  At 22 years old, she is showing her age.  I’ve noticed not only has her face turned gray far more this year than ever before, her body shape is changing, muscle mass across her back is going and she is just starting to look like an old lady.

 

Luke Jan 2007Luke March 2017

Luke, the first day I got him, January 2007 (left), and on the right, a few weeks ago in early March 2017.  10 years later.  I’d like to think there’s a tremendous difference in how he looks.

Luke isn’t far behind Dixie in years, at 20 years old.  He is still one solid pony and will be happy to get back to work this year, I’m sure.  OK, well, maybe he won’t be happy, but he will go work.  Luke recently had an issue pop up (literally!).  I noticed a lump on his face.  At first feel, it seemed apparent to me that his tooth was broken and was pushing out under his cheek.  When I looked in his mouth, I did not see anything that appeared to be a broken tooth, and nothing seemed painful to him.  I thought maybe it was something else, but none the less, Luke was scheduled to see the dentist.

If you think going to a human dentist is bad…. be glad you’re not a horse.  Just sayin’.  You’ve never seen tooth extractors the length of your forearm until you have a horse with a broken tooth.

Turned out, that was indeed the culprit of Luke’s lumpy face.  My first instinct was right.  His 2nd molar on the top right was split clean in half.  Well, at least he’ll be feeling better and will no doubt be more comfortable when I finally do get to driving him this year.

tooth2    tooth1

I titled this post “Transformation”.  I guess it’s appropriate, because there have been quite a few before & after photos.

In a recent post, I mentioned that I am learning airbrushing skills, and using them to complete movie-props.  well of course, by “movie props”, I mean Predator stuff…. so here’s a transformation of that as well:

beforehead

Before and after.  On the left is what I started with – a “raw” cast of a lifesize Predator head.  It required cleaning, fixing, and assembly.  On the right is my completed head.  I made the dreadlocks and the beads in them., and for that, I learned how to sculpt, make silicone molds, and cast using foam and resin.  The entire  project was a 7-month long learning curve, but I was so pleased with the final result.  I made the head solely for the purpose of learning and selling, and it has recently been sold all the way to Hong Kong!

And, the final transformation I wanted to share.  The hardest one to share…. ME!
I cannot obviously take a photo to document the emotional and spiritual changes I’ve gone through in the last couple of years, but I do have a then and now of the physical changes.

As I move on with my life in my new relationship, and experience – quite literally for the first time in my life – what a healthy, happy, normal relationship is, I find myself every day growing more and more happy internally and externally.

There is an immense spiritual peace in coming to Jesus, and truly experiencing happiness on this Earth.  I actually find myself thinking (more often than I truly want to) about my ex, and the torture he put me through.

I look at a photo like the one below left, taken on Valentine’s Day in 2015, just two years ago, and I can only think about the ridiculous argument we had that morning, the tantrum he threw that I was working at the barn in the morning to cover for someone who had surgery; the fight we had about where to go and what to do that day; the fact that I had to pay for all of it; and the way I had to force getting this photo taken.

02-07-2015

In the end, I’m glad I have the photo (obviously, I cropped the ex out of it), because it also shows something else – the physical effects on my body that stress, depression, anxiety, and abuse had on me.  I spent the last 60% of my marriage enduring endless snide insults about my weight (from someone who weighed almost double what I did) and my “unattractiveness”…  it was nothing short of mental and emotional torture and I wore the effects of that torture in a pair of size 20 jeans.
I actually know a girl that is going through the same kind of abuse as I endured, and also like me, the physical effects of that abuse are visible on her waistline.  This kind of cruel abuse has both deep as well as superficial effects and quite literally cause the complete breakdown of a human being.

That’s what he called “love”.

Now I know what love actually is.  I’m experiencing every time I am with my new dream– no, fantasy– man.  He makes me smile and laugh and feel good about myself and I’ve never known a more kind and passionate person.

We “met” on a dating site.  So there’s that –at the risk of sounding like a dating site commercial — what they say on those commercials about a “spark” and “instant chemistry”… it’s 100% true.  I am living proof of it.  And I was on the dating site about 20 hours when he first contacted me.

I could almost not believe his profile was real.  I couldn’t believe someone so kind and smart and funny and gorgeous was really on a dating site — and really interested in me.  But we talked more and more and finally met about 10 days later.  And the first time I saw him, I just about squealed like a little kid.  I wanted to simply take his hand and never let go.  He was perfect. He is a true Gift from God and a blessing in my life that made all the shattered roads it took to get to him, worth it.  It is like he is made out of diamonds, and shines like a beach full of them in the sun.

He took the photo of me below, on Valentine’s day – just two years later – 2017.
Not only am I living a dream come true, I have lost 70 pounds in the process, and I’m still working this year of a goal of 15 more.  These last 15 pounds don’t seem to agree with me that they should come off, but I am hopeful that by Dragon*Con time this year, they will be gone.

If these two photos don’t speak for themselves, I don’t know what would.

 

2-12-2017

 

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About kshai1715

I am a lifelong equestrian, photography enthusiast, sci-fi lover, and sci-fi convention & costuming geek that also loves movies and video games. I am a hard working 30 something woman that survived cancer and am looking forward to a long, healthy, self-empowered life. Welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy reading about my horses (and the rest of my life) as much as I like writing about them. You can feel free to check out my YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/user/yautjakshai
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One Response to Transformation

  1. RiderWriter says:

    Well, I am just so happy for you I hardly know what to say! 🙂 You have transformed yourself and your life in just about every way. You truly are an inspiration and I look forward to all of your updates now because gosh, if you aren’t the poster girl for moving on and up. WAY TO GO!

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