Well, 2017 is well under way, and it’s about time I got up a post and made a few changes to the look of the blog. So here it is.
One year ago, I was on a roller coaster. Oh my my. I was writing posts about my experiences with a narcissist, and the subsequent abuse and eventual mental breakdown that came with that. One year ago today, I was writing about learning to love thy neighbor, and ultimately, learning to love thyself, though I had no idea how or if such a thing was possible.
One year ago, I was shattered and lost and not really sure where I was going, if I could afford it, or who would want me. I had a simple goal in mind – attend Dragon*Con again.
Literally – that was it.
You wouldn’t think that some Science Fiction & Fantasy convention could have that much meaning and that much impact on a person’s life – but it does and it did. One year ago, I was focused on going to Dragon*Con, and look at the ripple effect of it that completely changed my life.
I will be honest — going back to Dragon*Con (one thing that was taken away from me immediately after I said “I do” so many years ago) — was actually one of the many driving factors to getting myself out the marriage. I knew in my marriage, among other things like being happy & wanted – I would never be able to do the things I enjoyed. Dragon*Con being one of them.
So, in part, yes, that played a role in getting me out and free. So one year ago, when it came to realizing that simple (though expensive!) goal meant building a Predator costume. In order to do that – I needed to learn new skills…. working with foam and latex… airbrushing. All of those things became a newfound skill I discovered I loved and wanted to pursue more and more.
One year later, I try to airbrush as much as I can, and I am currently expanding into painting life-size movie replicas as well as experimenting with canvas. I love airbrushing. I want to airbrush everything.
One year later, I’m building another complex costume from foam. I’ve learned beginning steps into sculpting, molding, and casting resin and latex costumes and props. I’ve sold my own creations as well.
So, there’s one major change – I suddenly found an inner artist I never knew I had. Ever. In fact, in the past, whenever I tried anything remotely artsy (photography, graphic design, drawing, you name it)… I was ridiculed endlessly. I still don’t consider myself an artist (insult to artists!), but there is a creativity that my desire to attend Dragon*Con sparked.
And of course – as I began building that Predator suit, I realized I needed to change my body in a BIG way. I was no longer the slim twenty-something that I was the last time I went to Dragon*Con. In fact, I was more like pushing 40 and carrying 90 pounds more than I was so many years ago.
So, the journey began into weight loss almost one year ago to the date. It was right around the beginning of February when I made one very simple change to my diet – I cut out processed sugars (high fructose corn syrup). Then I made another change – I cut out carbs. Then I made another change — that gym in my apartment complex… the one I said I would never use. I started using.
One year later, I have lost 70 – yes seventy – pounds. I’ve dropped 12 sizes of jeans, 4 sizes of shirts.
And I’m still not done. If I’ve learned one thing in the last year – it’s that I can do anything at all I put my mind to.
So, the ripples expanded. From that one simple goal of going to Dragon*Con, I completely reshaped my life, and it does not end there. After Dragon*Con, I came back to my wonderful home which I love and am so happy at, and realized that I had finally gone through enough recovery I had done something I never thought I could — I began to love myself again. I found confidence. I found happiness.
And I took another chance. One more chance that led to something incredible.
I signed up for a dating site and within 30 hours, I was contacted by a man that has literally been God’s gift in my life. He is everything I ever fantasized about having in a man, and although I have only been with him now for 2 months, I have been happier in those 2 months than I’ve been in the last 20 years of my life.
So – the other night while I was laying watching him sleep, I realized something that truly floored me. One year ago, I was dealing with the after-effects of living in hell. Today – I am living a dream come true.
I am living in a place I love, working in a place I love. I have my wonderful horses, a beautiful car (despite its maladies….), I’ve gone on 2,000 mile trips, I’ve found my soul and a soul mate and I’ve discovered a life I never knew I could have, and I have this man – this amazing and perfect man — in my life that is everything I could have ever wanted from a partner, a soul mate, a friend and a companion.
Today – I live a dream.
It took going through hell to get there, but yea … it was worth it.
What a year 2017 is going to be.
And – those horses… they are doing just fine. I was very worried about Chewie, as he has some days that are very hard for him. Then he has days like this, with the recent spring like weather we are being treated to in January… and well….. he’s just fine. His weight is up, he is happy, and he can still do this at nearly 18 years old.
2017 is going to be an amazing year.
I can’t wait to see what’s next.