Disappointments and Exhilarations

Life really is a roller coaster. Or at least my life is.  I am so uncertain about oh so many things and so unconfident with the choices I have to make and the decisions I make about them that I often find myself saying “yes I will…no I won’t..”   Yes, no, yes, no… usually it takes place over the course of hours or days, but if I were to make a line graph of my mind-changes and mood swings about pretty much any subject on the planet, it would be wild enough to make even the most hard core adrenaline junkie sick.

Today, I find myself experiencing highs and lows at the same time, so I’m a little twisted and contorted!  Usually I do not have opposing mood swings at the same time in the same moment of the same hour.

The down side is that I was really disappointed with my images for the fair. I thought they were really good pictures and some of them were simply some of the best pictures I’ve taken and am most proud of.  They did not do well in the fair though at all.  One or two of the best images  I entered (in my opinion) didn’t even get ribbons, and a couple of the others that I thougth were outstanding images got very low ribbons.  I got a couple 4th, a 5th, and a couple 6th places.  I also got one second place on an image I was very proud of.  I was really disappointed, though, that some of the images I thought were really exceptional either got no ribbon or a very very low one, like last.  B-U-M-M-E-R.

So there’s my low.  Now I’m questioning if I even know what a good image even is or how take a good photograph that can win in a judge’s eye.  I really wanted to make something out of my photography… not that I was pursuing becoming Mrs. bu-ku hot shot ulitmate horse photographer of the world… I just would like to have pictures good enough to be published in a magazine a time or two, and maybe make a little bit of extra side cash.. seriously… a little cash.. like $100 a month I’d be thrilled with.  But I’ve tried submitting images and tried to improve and never have gotten anywhere.  I will probably give it a try just one more time this year, gather up images and send them to Horse Illustrated… or Equus.. or maybe The Horse.  But ulitmately, I doubt I’ll ever see my images in a magazine or make any  money from them.  You can see my images that did get ribbons on my photography blog page in the blogroll on the right.

The other end of the spectrum, the high, for me right now is that in a few more hours I’ll be heading off to get my new horse and bring him home.  I am so excited to have a new horse once again, it’s unreal!  You’d think after 10 horses, that getting number 11 would not be as exhilirating, but it is!  He’s a very very very nice horse and exactly what I wanted and I couldn’t be more thrilled to get him.  Right now, I’m debating about whether or not to ride him tomorrow, or just let him settle in until Sunday before I ride.  I can’t decide, but I’m glad to have to make that decision- because it means I have horse at my disposal to ride or not to ride.. and to dote on a little and hopefully thoroughly enjoy riding for years to come!

I have high expectations with this horse- I expect him to help me rebound fully from my mental traumas with Spyder and Tate… from all the problems with riding both of them and soundness issues with Tate…. I expect this horse to still be rideable in 6 months.. in 6 years.. and not turn against me and hate me and become bitter.  I never had that happen before Spyder, and then all of a sudden it seemed like every horse I rode was developing problems with me being on their back.  Literally.. I had severe issues with Spyder and Tate, who I rode most frequently, but I also had major issues with a horse named Rio, who I only rode 1-2 times a week… then a horse named Riley proved he didn’t care for me to be on him and I was only riding him twice a week, and also Frankie, who again, I was only riding twice a week for about 1/2 hour-45 minutes.  The common factor with all of those horses was that I was riding them Dressage. All of them. 

New horse will be my hunter, and in all this time, I’ve been riding hunter horses, sometimes once, sometimes twice a week and I’ve never had a problem with any of them.  Hopefully that’s the key and I’ll be OK with new horse.   I have no problems with the driving ponies, and we’ve owned Luke for 3 years and Dixie for 4 years …. but technically, I’m not on their backs, so there’s no reason for them to develop problems.

I’m terrified that I’m going to ruin New Horse, though… and I’ll be absolutely devastated if I end up breaking another horse.  So this is a major turning point in my life.  It’s been a little over 4 years since I’ve bought a horse for myself.  I bought Spyder in June of 2006.  By December, I couldn’t get anywhere near her, and I was never able to ride her successfully again. 

So now I’m rebounding.  I’ve been taking lessons for 4 years and jumping through about 2’9″ again… working at a level I never thought I’d be back to.  And I’ve being doing so well, having such good luck, that I feel semi-confident that I’m ready to get a horse of my own again to ride consistently.  So we’ll see.  This is very scary and very exciting all at the same time.

I can’t wait to bring the new horse home and I’ll have plenty of pictures!!!  Hoepfully I will blog from now on about the excellent experiences I have with my new horse. 

I am thinking about naming his Tristan in honor of Tristan from both Stardust and Legends of the Fall… two movies that make my favorite list and are excellent movies!

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About kshai1715

I am a lifelong equestrian, photography enthusiast, sci-fi lover, and sci-fi convention & costuming geek that also loves movies and video games. I am a hard working 30 something woman that survived cancer and am looking forward to a long, healthy, self-empowered life. Welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy reading about my horses (and the rest of my life) as much as I like writing about them.
This entry was posted in Dressage, Driving, Hackney, hunter/jumper, Hunters, Jumpers, miniature horse, Photography, Quarter Horse, Riding and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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