I really must be cursed… or maybe branded or something – is there some kind of halo around me that emits “run away” vibes?  Is there a flashing neon sign only horse sellers can see that says “don’t sell to her… don’t call her back… don’t, don’t, don’t…”  ????  Or am I just simply fated never to own a horse again?  Should I just go get one from an auction out of spite and say screw it?  I don’t care if it’s a nice, healthy, sound horse that rides well?  I just want to own a horse again?…..

What is it with ME?  And what is it with people selling horses???  I mean, I know I said I wasn’t going to look into buying a horse anymore, I wasn’t going to bother with this stress and frustration.. but then this ad for that beautiful draft cross popped up one day and I was very very very interested.  So I called the guy, and we talked and he emailed me pictures and we agreed upon a day for me to go see the horse (today, incidentally)…. We agreed that I would call the day before to arrange a time.  So I called.  And the guy said he was too busy to talk right now and really couldn’t hear me because the wind was blowing (which it was very windy yesterday) and he was on a tractor in his field.  He said he’d call me back later that afternoon… I said great!  So, later passed… and I called him and got no answer.  And then even later passed… and suddenly it was 8:30 at night and I still hadn’t heard from the guy.  He has my number and my email address and I never heard back.  So I emailed him around 9 last night just to say hey – still waiting to hear back from you.. is it OK to pop over there tomorrow morning?

Well, it’s tomorrow morning now, and I’ve never heard from the guy.  Right about now I was supposed to be looking at this horse.  I should have been pulled up in the driveway, already walked out of the car and spotted the horse from afar.  Maybe by now I was already supposed to have shook the guy’s hand, and I’d be petting the horse right now, looking him over and feeling joints.  In a few minutes, I’d be lunging the horse, and in a few more minutes, I’d be tacking him up to ride.

Instead, here I am sitting in front of my computer fuming mad that the guy never called me back, never confirmed the time, and isn’t calling me right now wondering where the heck I am, because I was supposed to be there by now.  I guess this was just not meant to be, and this whole thing, with me getting a horse again is just a laughable dumb misadventure.

Ugh, I am so frustrated and disappointed.  I would have come up with the remaining money I needed, and I would have been able to buy the horse, and now, I’m just so angry that I don’t even care anymore. None of this is worth it and I truly give up.  I don’t even have the desire to go waste money taking riding lessons anymore.  Paying $45 just to have the chance to ride again is hardly worth it – especially 2,3,4 times a month.  Spending $250 a month for a lesson package to ride a few times a week on a horse I don’t own isn’t worth it – that’s more than I pay for board on the horses I do own.

This whole thing is just something I really really really wish I just stop caring about and just give up and leave behind me.  Maybe this incident will put me over the edge and be the end of it.  Maybe this is the little flower on top of the icing on top of the cake that just does it once and for all.  Now everyone gets their wish except me – the people in my life that don’t want me owning a horse, don’t want me riding, don’t care if I have one thing that I love and enjoy, like my dad, my husband, my mother, and my mother in law, all of whom couldn’t care less about me or my needs, only that they are in control of what I do, think, say, and act, they all get their wish.  Me on the other hand, the one thing I want so badly to cling to just keeps slipping away and is blocked by a thousand and one road blocks – massive walls of brick, steel, barbed wire and toxic waste…

I quit.


About kshai1715

I am a lifelong equestrian, photography enthusiast, sci-fi lover, and sci-fi convention & costuming geek that also loves movies and video games. I am a hard working 30 something woman that survived cancer and am looking forward to a long, healthy, self-empowered life. Welcome to my blog and I hope you enjoy reading about my horses (and the rest of my life) as much as I like writing about them.
This entry was posted in Buckskin, Dressage, Driving, Hackney, horse, Horses, hunter/jumper, Hunters, Illinois, Jumpers, Photography, Riding, Science Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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